Reframing a searing childhood memory. And it’s changing my life.

Help! I’m called to be an Entrepreneur!

Reframing a searing childhood memory. And it’s changing my life.

Adult me knew the event was authentic and benign. Cute and enjoyable even. Yet the searing pain of a crushing perceived failure still felt real.

Like a newspaper being scrunched up and thrown away it rushed through me. My adrenaline started to race. An 11 year olds emerging calling met real life experience with bang and only pieces were left behind. And, wait for it, there it was. The incessant internal talk-track, informing me how I’d failed in making the investment, failed in not selling the investment and failed to get out at the right time. It was brutal.

Mixed with a cocktail of bitter tears, the pain flowed through my pen and onto the page.

It was definitely time to reframe this memory.

Challenging the Talk-track

As the words (and tears!) flowed, I noticed some inconsistencies. Switching to the role of an observer, I made a few notes.

Firstly, it seemed a bit extreme to interpret this as a personal failure. Yes, definitely, the investment had failed. From $500 to close to $0 is most certainly not a successful investment. And absolutely, when a child has invested a significant amount of effort saving up said $500 — I could 100% understand the pain of that experience! However, interpreting that as a personal failure just didn’t seem accurate.

Secondly, making the leap from an investment failure to the invalidation of an entire calling seemed incorrect. People definitely make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes cost us, and sometimes the cost of those mistakes is not just money. While I could understand how an 11 year old might not have that perspective, adult me knew that mistakes don’t invalidate our calling. Rather, they show that we’re choosing to try. Choosing to make a difference.

Finally, it seemed like a ton of positive lessons in this experience were being missed. Here’s an 11 year old. They showed discipline and commitment in saving up $500. They showed perseverance in getting up early every morning to read the newspaper and make notes. They showed ‘go-gettership’ (personal made up word :P ) in figuring out how to get into the stock market and make a trade. They showed critical thinking skills in analysing the information presented and developing an investment hypothesis. All of this for the measly sum of $500!?! My engineering degree had cost me way more than that — yet many of the life skills I learned were the same!

A Precious Letter to Myself

I paused for a moment.

Put down my pen.

Breathed deeply of some air which seemed clearer than a few moments before.

As I reframed the experience in the light of the truth, I once again put pen to paper.

I wrote a letter to the crushed little 11 year old hiding inside of me. I acknowledged how it must have felt to invest the $500 only to see it disappear. How I understood the frustration of all that time spent researching, recording, deliberating and deciding — only to see it come to nothing. How I could see the pain and sense of ‘I told you so’ when the close family members advice turned out to be wrong. I wrote about how it was completely ok to feel those feelings.

I wrote about how I viewed the experience from the perspective of 25 years later. How cool it was that he got up early to study the news papers. How many precious learning lessons he has given me to consider. How yes, sometimes when you listen to people, they get it wrong. How that’s ok, because they’re also on a journey.

I wrote about how I was so grateful that the 11 year old took the risk. For being brave. For desiring to invest. To participate in a global economy. For developing the ability to select opportunities and move on them. For listening to others while still growing critical thinking.

My Future Started to Change

I sensed a change. Curiosity started to replace the fear which had been framing my perception of the future. I felt excited and hopeful. The 11 year old inside of me started to pick up his head and look around. Breathe deeply of the morning air. His eyes started to sparkle again.

The change started to impact my daily life. I would wake up excited and hopeful about the future. Starting a business still seemed big and huge and a bit scary. My calling to be an entrepreneur and investor still seemed ginormous. But now it was an exciting challenge.

There was a sense of curiosity. I wanted to see how my wife and I would do this. How would we combine our lives and faith together and achieve what we felt God had called us to do? How would this happen?

It felt totally different. The calling didn’t feel like a burden anymore. More like a precious gem we were uncovering piece by piece and bit by bit. Or like a present we were unwrapping together. Suddenly ideas started to flow.

As this wonderful change took place, we started to uncover the vision for this precious company we’d co-founded.